We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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