i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
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Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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