I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I need to stop coming to work sober
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
