I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
