im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
