i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
