My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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