Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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