when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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