roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
