I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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