remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
