One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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