Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
