wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
