I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
