tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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