The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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