i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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