i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
