How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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