I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
