There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
