did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
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Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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