I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
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mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool