Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
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Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
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If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless