Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.

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(503): View more from Oregon

So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.

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(214): View more from Texas

I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck

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(609): View more from New Jersey

So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.

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(512): View more from Texas

Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?

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(562): View more from California

Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios

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