dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
