Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Farmville is her only friend.
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Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
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I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize