in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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