Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
