New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
