My sheets look like a crime scene.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
