You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
