hotel room ftw
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
