Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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