i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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