Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
