he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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