What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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