i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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