Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
