You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
