i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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