I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
