Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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