you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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