I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
