you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
