found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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