dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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