I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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