i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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