he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
