Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
