You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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