i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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