sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
