Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
