go do what you do best...puke behind churches
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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