He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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