I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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