The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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