he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
