i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
A bitchslap is in order.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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