its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
