so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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