1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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