I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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